


It doesn't matter if you love me, I'm gonna love you anyway

by iittaliia



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: 5 Times, Blow Jobs, Boys Kissing, Canon Compliant, Eventual Smut, Five Times, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Hand Jobs, Kissing, M/M, Pining, Smut, he says one sentence, i don't know how to tag i'm sorry, i have never written anything with this much fluff, it's really bad smut i'm sorry, so much pining, why did i tag smut, why the fuck did i tag liam as a character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-03
Updated: 2015-08-03
Packaged: 2018-04-12 20:53:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4494360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iittaliia/pseuds/iittaliia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>"You do know you have your own bed, right?"</em><br/>"What, are you complaining? Is the teenage sensation Harry Styles suddenly too cool for his own bandmate? You wound me, Harold", Louis said and it might have been believable if he wouldn't have started yawning in the middle of the sentence. And Harry, well, Harry was so full of love and fond that he had to actually hold his breath so he wouldn't just burst out what he was feeling and - Jesus Christ when did he fall this hard?</p><p> </p><p>Five times when Harry had wanted to kiss Louis since meeting him in the toilets, and one time he did it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It doesn't matter if you love me, I'm gonna love you anyway

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from Plain White T's song called Someday You're Gonna Love Me, which everybody should go and check out because the band is awesome and Louis sang their song in the auditions, so...
> 
> But yeah, this is the second 1D fic I've finished and this is so weird? Some parts of this are so horrible I feel bad about posting this, but because I actually kinda like the way this turned our to be (if you ignore the bad parts, I mean) I figured I might as well post it. English is not my main language and this is unbetad so all the mistakes are mine.
> 
> OH and this was my first ever try at writing smut (can I even call that smut, it's so embarrasingly bad I'm sorry) so please don't judge me too hard, I tried my best. Also there is fucking ridiculous High School Musical references in this, I had fun writing those.

The first time Harry wanted to do it surprised him.

He was in the toilet, waiting for his chance to go in front of the judges to prove he had what it takes, and saying he was nervous was an understatement. He didn’t even realize anybody had come in to the room or to the urinal next to his - which was bad etiquette anyway, guy code and all that - before he’d quite literally peed on the guy. Which he only realized after waking up from his nervous trance by the guys scream of _bloody hell what are you doing_?

”Oh - _shit_ , sorry, I’m so sorry!” Harry yelped, quickly doing his fly back up. He turned to look at the person he had accidentally peed on and quite literally froze on the spot.

The guy had brown hair hanging little bit on his face and the icy stare of his blue eyes could have stopped people from going to war, Harry was sure of it. And the guy looked pretty pissed - quite literally, if you looked at his leg. He was the most gorgeous thing Harry had ever laid his eyes on and he wanted to kiss those lips that were now on a thin line and - and that thought surprised Harry more than he cared to admit. Sure, he’d always known he wasn’t completely straight, probably four on Kinsey scale if he was honest, but that was the first time he’d actually really wanted to just _kiss_ another person, and that person was a boy he had just _peed on_.

”I’m so sorry! I’m so nervous I wasn’t concentrating, I can’t believe I just did that oh my God I’m so sorry I -”  
”Wait slow down! Breathe a little bit, okay?” the guy cut in, expression changing from angry to worried. ”It’s okay love, no harm done here. It was just piss, okay? No need to lose your breath over it.”

Harry took a deep breath and nodded slowly, letting the air out from his mouth before raising his gaze back to the guy. ”I’m sorry”, he repeated with much calmer voice and the guy laughed and it was the most beautiful thing Harry had ever heard and he wanted to do it _again_ , kiss that mouth where the sound was coming from.

”Jesus Christ, you had me worried there that you may have a panic attack”, the guy said after he’d stopped laughing - which Harry was thankful for, he didn’t know how much longer he could have listened to that. ”I’m Louis”, the guy - _Louis_ , said and reached out his hand. Harry just looked at it for a moment before realizing that yes, he was meant to shake it and introduce himself back.

”I’m Harry”, he said, taking the guys hand and shaking it firmly.  
”Oh, young Harold”, Louis responded with a smirk and Harry frowned.  
”No, just Harry I’m afraid.”

”Just Harry? Don’t ever go telling people you are _just_ anything. With a face like that and curls like _that_ , you’re going to go far in life, and even farer in this competition”, Louis said crossing his arms over his chest. ”I heard you singing the other day, almost left straight home after that if I’m honest. You’re going to the finals, let me tell you”, he continued, making Harry blush.   
”Stop it, I’m not that -” Harry tried to put in but the guy wasn’t having any of it.  
”Actually, I’m going to take your autograph if you don’t mind. When you’re famous I can piss my baby sisters off by shoving it in their faces when their rooms are full of your posters. I can tell them the Harry they daydream about quite literally pissed on me”, Louis explained as he started digging through his pockets to find a piece of paper and a pen, which he for some reason both found. Harry was about to say something about the guy being ridiculous but the eyebrow raise he immediately got shut him up. So Harry looked at the ground and kept his gaze there because he was blushing so hard he could feel it all over his face and he needed to bite his lip so he wouldn’t smile so wide.

”You’re so full of it”, he laughed nervously, but ended up signing the receipt Louis suddenly shoved to his hand. Louis didn’t say anything when he gave it back, just smirked and shook Harry’s hand again before suddenly pulling him in for a hug. It took Harry embarrassingly long before hugging Louis back, but when he finally did it Louis squeezed him tighter than before. Then he backed out - way too quick for Harry’s liking - smiled and made his way back to the door, leaving Harry standing there dumbfounded.

”It was honor to be pissed on, dear Harold”, Louis said before closing the door behind him.

It took Harry a long while to realize he hadn’t even washed his hands at any point, but that was soon forgotten because he was still thinking about those lips long after.

 

**~*~*~**

 

The second time Harry wanted to do it was a really bad moment.

Louis had been in a really weird mood the whole day, barely talking to anybody and when he did he was really snappy and said things he wouldn’t have said otherwise. He had yelled at Liam for wanting to practice their song a little bit more, accused Zayn of stealing his shirt and shouted at Niall for leaving empty bag of chips in the room. The whole band had sent desperate glances of help towards Harry, but he didn’t have time to talk to Louis until much later when they were back in the x-factor house where Louis immediately stormed off into one of the now empty rooms. 

Harry sighed and turned to walk towards their own room so he could drop his stuff and maybe change a shirt or something before checking with Louis, but Liam immediately stopped him and turned him by his shoulders.

” _No_ , you are going to deal with mister grympypants over there and we are going to wait in the room until he comes to apologize.”

 So a moment later Harry found himself standing in front of one of the rooms he was pretty sure the one guy he didn’t really like had stayed in, waiting for Louis to answer to his knocks.

”If you are anybody else than Harry please fuck right off”, came from the room after the third knock, and Harry tried not to think too much in to the fact that Louis wouldn’t have let anybody else in except him.

When he opened the door the room was dark and Louis was sitting on one of the beds, legs up against his chest and phone in his hands. He was scrolling through something and then it clicked in Harry’s mind. He took a few quick steps to the bed and took the phone from Louis who didn’t even put up a fight.

”Lou…” Harry started but Louis cut him off.  
”You would be much better off without me, admit it. It’s not like I’m even needed in this band, what with Zayn being the exotic mysterious one, Niall being the adorable Irish one, Liam being the teddy bear one and you being the one who was it all. And I’m just… I’m just _me_ and I -”  
” _No_ , you stop that right there”, Harry interrupted so sharply that Louis actually shut up. ”Do you know what the greatest person I’ve ever met once told me? He said and I quote, _don’t ever go telling people you are_ ** _just_** _anything_ ”, Harry started, sounding actually kind of furious. ”You are not _just_ Louis, you are Louis freaking Tomlinson and you deserve to be in this band just as much as the rest of us. We are called One Direction because we all have the same dream in the end and you deserve a chance at it just as much as we do. You are ridiculously talented and I won’t let you believe anything else even for a second”, Harry finished little out of breath. He was now standing directly in front of Louis who didn’t even look at him, eyes still stubbornly on his lap. Harry sighed and lowered himself enough to be face to face with Louis, raising his hand so he could guide his face upwards, only to find tears leaking out of his eyes.

”You are crying oh my God, I’m so sorry why are you crying please don’t cry I can’t -”  
”Greatest person you’ve ever met?” Louis asked with a broken voice.  
”I - yes”, Harry answered without even thinking it for a second. ”Funniest, sassiest and the most precious and lovable little shit I’ve ever met”, he continued, not flinching or showing any signs of lying - because he wasn’t. Louis wiped the side of his eye and let out a little laugh, or more like a snort but at the moment Harry thought is was the prettiest sound he had ever heard.

”You absolute menace, you”, Louis said and Harry wasn’t really sure what he meant but that didn’t matter anymore when Louis opened his arms for Harry to climb in and cuddle.

And Harry wanted to do it then. Right after telling Louis how important he was to the world, to them, to _him_ , he wanted to kiss him and show it, put it all in that touch of their lips.

But he didn’t do it, of course he didn’t. Louis didn’t deserve to be confused like that when he was this vulnerable and Harry could never take advantage of the trust Louis had in him.

So they cuddled, and they kept cuddling until Niall found them and suddenly there were three more bodies on them and Louis apologized and then there was just one huge pile of cuddling and Harry was just so, _so_ relieved when Louis gave him that crinkly eyed smile from somewhere under Liam’s arm, because that meant Louis wasn’t sad anymore - and that made Harry extremely happy, even though he didn’t get to kiss him.

There would be time for that later.

 

~*~*~

 

The third time it happened Harry was sick.

They had just gotten off to a month long holiday and Harry had been so excited for it. He had planned all the things he wanted to do and where he wanted to go and who he wanted to do them with (mostly Louis). The first few days he had just been staying home alone, Louis was staying with Zayn for a few days before he was meant to come home too to hang out with Harry before leaving for Doncaster, and Harry was trying not to miss him too much - it was only few days, God dammit.

The night before Louis was meant to join him Harry had gone to bed super excited, he hadn't seen Louis or hugged him in so long (it was few days, Harry was so smitten he was ashamed of it), and he had all these things he wanted to tell Louis even though he had talked to him daily. But then he woke up, feeling absolutely horrible and his head was pounding so bad he had to keep sleeping, hoping that Louis had his copy of the key with him.

Apparently he did, because few hours later Harry woke up to someone quite literally climbing on top of him and blocking every possible escape route - not that Harry would have wanted to escape.

"Is this the welcome I get? I was waiting for you to carry me in and sing me a serenade and there should have been food on the table and candles and some of your cheesy hipster music playing, but _no_ , here you are, still asleep in _my_ bed and it's almost three am. You're losing it, Styles."

Of course Louis would have expected Harry to treat him a real date night when he'd arrive, even carry him inside like they'd just gotten married. And why would Louis had expected anything different? That was pretty much what Harry would have done, if he wouldn't have felt like his whole body was on fire while he was simultaneously freezing his ass off.

"Hey Lou", he croaked out and Louis immediately raised his head from Harry's chest where he'd placed it.  
"What was that? Did some evil monster replace my Hazza because that's _not_ the voice I left you with", Louis said, furrowing his brow and raising his hand to put it on Harry's forehead.  
"I think I'm sick", Harry whined, sniffing a little.  
"You _think_? Haz, you are burning up", Louis exclaimed, getting into a sitting position to get a better look at Harry, who was still under the covers.  
"It's not that bad", Harry tried to protest because he didn't want Louis to get up - however bad he was feeling was nothing compared to how bad he’d feel if he couldn't share it with Louis.  
"It's not _that_ bad? Harry, I could make an omelet on your forehead!"  
"You don't know how to make omelets", Harry pointed out, deserving a laugh from Louis.  
"Really? You're basically incoherent but still manage to insult my cooking", Louis laughed and Harry was about to respond before Louis pressed his finger on Harry's mouth and shushed. "Nope, you're not allowed to talk before I come back here. I'm gonna make you some soup and tea and you are going to eat the soup with a smile on your face even if it tasted like shit, got it? Okay great!"

And the next thing Harry knew was lips being pressed against his forehead and Louis running out of the room apparently to the kitchen, because for the next fifteen minutes all Harry could hear was weird and loud noises coming from that way, probably caused by Louis going through every single pan and kettle they owned in order to find one he was happy with. 

"Use the pan that's in the cupboard under the oven!" Harry yelled - or more like tried to yell, because when he opened his mouth he got a horrible coughing fit.  
"Shut uuuuup, you're not allowed to taaaalk", Louis singsonged back, and Harry sighed before accepting his fate and closing his eyes again, listening to Louis singing - he had apparently found all the supplies he needed.

Some time later Harry woke up to someone gently shaking him by the shoulders and before he even realized there was a cup of tea being pushed to his hands and Louis was sitting in front of him, soup bowl on the table next to the bed.

"You are going to drink that tea, eat that soup and then I'm going to cuddle the bacteria out of you", Louis announced like that was some kind of a huge decision he had made.  
"No, don't do that, you're just gonna get sick yourself", Harry protested, taking a sip from his tea.  
"No I won't, I have a really good immunity system", Louis shot back, raising his brow like an invitation to challenge him again.  
”You will get sick and you hate being sick”, Harry reasoned but Louis wasn’t having any of it.  
”No I _won’t_ , and even if I do it doesn’t matter.”  
"But you were going to go back to Doncaster, you can't travel if you get sick", Harry still tried, even though he knew it was pretty much pointless.  
"Then I won't go", Louis shrugged like it was simple as that.  
"But you miss them so much", Harry argued and Louis placed his own tea on the table, taking the soup and pushing it towards Harry instead.  
"I miss you even more, so shut up and eat this."  
"That doesn't make sense, I'm right here."  
"Doesn't mean I can't miss you", Louis pointed out like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Harry still didn’t get it though, but when he was about to open his mouth Louis just pushed the soup closer to him, despite Harry still holding a cup of tea in his hands. ”Shush, _eat_.”

And Harry wanted to do it so bad. He wanted to place the tea and the soup bowl carefully on the table, grab Louis by his shirt - _Harry’s_ shirt he was wearing, - and just kiss him until Louis would also see the stars that had already started to form behind Harry’s eyelids.

But Harry didn’t do that because of those said stars. He felt too dizzy, too sick and loved up to move - and he didn’t want their first kiss to be like that. He didn’t want Louis to get sick, didn’t want it to be gross and wet because of his runny nose.

Besides, Louis still hadn’t finished his tea and Harry would never interrupt his tea time.

 

~*~*~

 

The fourth time it happened Louis was sick.

It was only a week after Harry had been sick. Louis had done what he promised, cuddled the bacteria out of Harry and - unfortunately for him, right inside him. Louis was now a tiny, soft, fluffy and sniffling ball of sickness in Harry’s clothes.

”Why didn’t you tell me I was gonna get sick”, Louis whined, sitting on his bed wearing his glasses and Harry’s huge sweater, legs under the covers. Harry had just came home from the grocery store and he’d gone straight to Louis, bringing him some medicine.  
”I did”, he said, leaning to touch Louis forehead. It was sweaty and his hair was sticking to it but Harry didn’t care, because Louis closed his eyes and leaned in to the touch like he’d been waiting for it. ”I repeatedly told you cuddling would be a bad idea if you didn’t want to get sick”, he continued and Louis opened his eyes, glaring at Harry.  
”Nope, no you didn’t. I can’t remember that so it didn’t happen.”  
”Of course you can’t because you’re a stubborn little shit”, Harry laughed, flicking Louis’ nose, making the older man try to bite his finger because of course he would.  
”Why did you even let me cuddle you, if it was such a bad idea, huh?” Louis asked, probably trying to sound snarky but ending up sounding adorable with the way he kept sniffling.  
_”Because I would never tell you no”_ Harry thought. ”Because - and I repeat, you are a stubborn little shit”, he said.  
"I’m hearing way too much complaining and seeing way too little cuddling”, Louis said - or at least that was what Harry was able to pick out of it, since Louis started sneezing in the middle of the sentence. Harry just smiled and took a step back from the bed. ”I’m gonna go get you some tea and then you’re gonna rest, okay?” he asked, slowly walking to the door. Louis opened his mouth to answer, but instead he sneezed so hard his glasses almost fell from his head. Harry laughed and got a glare as an answer, before he backed off from the room to make the tea.

Some time later Harry came back, holding a hot cup of tea in his hands. Louis apparently didn’t hear his return, so Harry had some time to just stand on the doorway and look at him.

Most people probably wouldn't have found Louis attractive or in any way appealing at the moment - his face was red, his nose was running and he was sweaty all over - but Harry didn't care about that. He cared about the way Louis was wearing his sweater which was way too big on him and formed ridiculously adorable sweater paws. He cared about the way Louis kept pushing his glasses up his nose because they kept slipping down, and he cared about the way Louis kept sniffing and doing that thing with his nose that bunnies did.

Louis seemed to suddenly realize Harry’s presence and he raised his eyes to meet Harry’s and immediately reached out his arms, making grabby hands at him. Harry chuckled and took a step closer, giving the tea to Louis, who took it but reached to put it on the table next to the bed.

”Why did you do that?” Harry asked, confused.  
”I don’t need tea, I need you”, Louis explained, pouting and reaching his arms out again, now that Harry could come to bed and cuddle him.

” _I need you too_ ”, Harry wanted to say. He wanted to climb to the bed, push Louis onto his back and press kisses all over him, whispering all the secrets he’d kept inside in between every press of his lips. He wanted to stop at Louis’ lips, lean in close enough so he could whisper ” _I couldn’t live without you_ ” against them before kissing him, kissing him so long the tea would go cold and he’d need to go make another one. 

Instead of doing that Harry sighed, shook his head fondly and climbed to the bed, wrapping his arms around Louis. If he would get sick again because of cuddling, then so be it.

 

~*~*~

 

The fifth time it happened they were just home.

Harry was trying to fall asleep but he wasn’t really feeling it, so when he heard the door opening and closing and felt someone climbing in to the bed and under the covers, he didn’t do anything about it.

"You do know you have your own bed, right?"*  
"What, are you complaining? Is the teenage sensation Harry Styles suddenly too cool for his own bandmate? You wound me, Harold", Louis said and it might have been believable if he wouldn't have started yawning in the middle of the sentence. And Harry, well, Harry was so full of love and fond that he had to actually hold his breath so he wouldn't just burst out what he was feeling and - Jesus Christ when did he fall this hard?

"Well, aren't you going to cuddle me back?" Louis asked, opening his other eye and that was all that it took to make Harry wrap his hands around the other man, squeezing him against his chest.  
"Yeah, that's what I thought" Louis said - or at least that's what Harry was pretty sure he heard behind the yawn that had again escaped from the other one.  
"Are you tired Lou?" Harry asked moving his hand in comforting circles at Louis' back.  
"No Harold, I'm just yawning for the fun of it, thanks for asking", Louis retorted and moved his head a little bit so he could look at Harry pointedly before closing his eyes again. Harry chuckled as an answer and then they were quiet and it was nice and cozy and Harry was feeling so much he wouldn't have been surprised if he'd actually tear up a little bit.

"Louis?" Harry whispered after what felt like only few minutes but was probably closer to fifteen.  
"Hmph?" Louis mumbled, clearly on the verge of falling asleep.  
"You are my favorite, you know that, right?" Harry asked, voice careful.  
"Really?" Louis opened his eyes and smiled tentatively.  
"Is that alright?" Harry continued, sounding unsure.  
"Well that depends, am I competing against your mom? I'm fine with losing to your mom, she's a marvelous woman", Louis smirked and squeezed Harry's middle with his arms. "Of course it's alright Haz, you're my favorite too."  
"Even over my mom?"  
"In the _world_ , you silly frog. Even over your mom", Louis laughed and his eyes crinkled and Harry was so damn gone for this stupid literal ray of sunshine. "But please don't tell your mom, let's keep it our secret."  
"I won't, I promise", Harry said and Louis closed his eyes, still smiling.  
"And that is why you are my favorite."

Harry was glad Louis had closed his eyes because he couldn't help the emotions that started to burst out of him and no matter how hard he tried he still felt a tear dropping to the pillow under his head - he was just so unbelievably happy. His eyes drifted to look at Louis' lips and maybe this was it - maybe this was when he'd finally have the courage to do it. 

But it was not. Maybe he'd had the courage, but the moment wasn't right. Harry smiled to himself when he realized Louis had fallen asleep. His breathing slowed down and his mouth dropped a little bit open and he looked so peaceful and calm and Harry felt so privileged because he got to see him like this - that Louis trusted him enough to let Harry see him like this.

"You're my favorite person in the whole world too", Harry whispered, leaning in to kiss Louis' forehead.

That'll do for now.

 

~*~*~

 

And the one time Harry finally did it he didn’t actually do it.

The day had been Harry's nightmare. Not because something bad had happened - they just had a few photoshoots, nothing big - but because Louis had been absolutely out of control. He had been extra chirpy, jumping around, pulling pranks and putting smiles on peoples faces. He'd had at least four water gun fights in total, gotten a piggy bag ride from both Paul and Mark, and somehow managed to switch two of Lous' bottles so Niall had to go wash his hair again right before the shoot because it was glittering. Louis had been such a little shit Harry had a hard time coping with it and all the feelings it caused, and he was glad that he'd get to have some time alone that night, because he was sure Louis would go out with the other lads. They had the whole weekend off and Andy, Oli and Calvin had come to celebrate - what exactly, Harry had no idea - with some other people, so Harry was sure Louis was going to go with them. 

He didn't.

"Nah lads, me and Harreh are going to stay in. Watch some films, eat some take away, talk shit about you lot, the usual", Louis had said, putting his arm around Harry's shoulder - despite Harry being bigger than him - and guiding him to Louis' room.

So that's how Harry found himself sitting on Louis’ bed, watching what else than High School Musical 2, with Louis mouthing the words next to him. On a normal occasion Harry would have been doing exactly the same - after they’d found out that they both had obsessed over the movies they had started randomly bursting into duets in the most inappropriate places (there was nothing quite like singing _We’re All In This Together_ in the middle of a venue in the middle of a soundcheck while bullying the other boys long enough for them to join in too) - but right now Harry just couldn’t concentrate on what was going on on the screen.

”Jesus, those two are so hot for each other, the sexual tension is unbelievable”, Louis suddenly muttered under his breath and Harry had to turn and look at him in disbelief. Apparently _I Don’t Dance_ was coming up and _of course_ Louis could find even the smallest amount of sexual tension from the movie (even though it really wasn’t that _small_ , they did switch their clothes and all) but couldn’t fucking spot it when it was _sitting next to him_.

After that it was almost impossible for Harry to sit still. His legs kept moving even if he tried to will them to stop and he was even annoying himself.

Some time later he knew that the iconic _Bet On It_ performance was about to start and Harry was happy Louis seemed to be able to control himself during that - one time he had broken a _sink_ while getting a bit too carried away - but Harry wasn’t able to control _himself_. He was fidgeting and doing that annoying thing where someone changed their position every two minutes, irritating everyone around, but he just couldn’t keep still. Louis had shot him some worried looks but hadn’t said anything, and Harry had figured it was better to _not_ look at Louis, because he probably couldn’t have controlled himself if he did. So he just kept moving around, deliberately keeping his eyes off Louis’ face - until he couldn’t anymore. 

Why couldn’t it be _him_ running around that field, singing about his feelings. Maybe singing them alone in an empty golf field would be a better way of dealing than singing to thousands of girls about how he wanted to kiss his best friend. (And hold his hand and wake up next to him and get some more couple tattoos and adopt some children and some kittens and move out of the city and get married on a boat and have gravestones next to each other, you know, the usual.)

”Harry stop fidgeting, you’re making it hard to watch the movie”, Louis suddenly said, placing his hand on Harry’s knee and waking him up from his trance.  
”Well you’re making it hard not to snog your stupid face off”, Harry shot back, turning to look at Louis with a pissed off expression before he realized what he’d said. ” _Shit_.”

Louis was looking back at him, eyebrows raised high and Harry couldn’t _breathe_ because they were just staring at each other and  - ”Snog my stupid face off you say?” Louis asked, clearly trying to keep his amusement from his voice. ”Harold, I’m _offended_ to say the very least. I would have preferred for you to describe my face gorgeous, astonishing or marvelous even, but you chose stupid? Didn’t your mom teach you any manners?” he continued and _what_?  
”I - _that’s_ what you focus on?” Harry asked, looking at Louis like he’d just seen a ghost, because that was not the way this conversation was _meant to_ ** _go_** _._    
”Well _excuse me_ for wanting to get some recognition on my dashing features”, Louis replied, raising his hand from Harry’s knee in defense, not being able to keep the smile off his face and - was this a joke to him? Harry didn’t know what to _do_ and his heart was beating so fast he was afraid he would pass out and Louis was just _there_ , looking at him like he was expecting something to happen but Harry couldn’t form words. 

”Oh you mean the snogging part?” Louis suddenly said like he’d just really processed what Harry had even said in the first place. And that was it - Harry was sure he’d need to move and leave the country and change his name because he could never live this down in million years, because he _still_ couldn’t open his damn mouth to answer.  
”Well I am kinda waiting for you to interrupt me any given moment now by doing just that, but you don’t seem to get it. I mean anytime now would be a good time, don’t you think?” Louis said, he was mostly rambling now and Harry heard it, every single word of what he’d said but his mind couldn’t get around it, there must have been a misunderstanding and - ”Oh for fucks sake Harry.”

Later, if somebody would have asked Harry what had happened in that moment, Harry would have known every single detail there was to know. He would have been able to tell everything about the way Louis had rolled his eyes before raising his hands to Harry’s neck, how he’d just hold them there for a second, looking at Harry with nothing but fondness in his eyes before pressing their lips together with such intensity Harry forgot to respond for such a long time Louis pulled back, looking at Harry with a sudden worry and uncertainty, like he was afraid he’d gotten it wrong.

So Harry did it. He finally did what he’d wanted to do for _years_. He crashed their lips together, raising his hands to hold on to Louis’ like his life depended on it - and in the moment it felt like it did. It was hard and kind of uncoordinated and they were so desperate for it, but it was perfect and Harry couldn’t think of even a one good reason why he should ever stop - except for one. He kissed Louis once, twice, maybe twelve times, before pulling back a little bit to hold their foreheads against each other and to look at Louis’ kiss-swollen lips and half-lidded eyes.

”I don’t think your face is stupid”, Harry whispered, voice unsteady. Louis snorted and it was the prettiest sound Harry had ever heard.  
”I think _you_ are stupid if you don’t keep kissing me”, Louis laughed against Harry’s lips and they were so, _so_ stupid for not doing this before.

Harry laughed and then they were kissing again, kissing so much and so long and with such a passion, and Harry knew he could do it for hours without stopping, easily. But not right now, because suddenly it wasn’t enough - the hands pressing on his hip wasn’t enough, his own hands on Louis’ back weren’t enough and he wanted _more_ , so much more. 

So suddenly he was pulling Louis up from where he was still sitting next to him, and to his lap. Louis seemed to get the point and he sat on Harry’s lap, legs on each side of his thighs - which, _fuck_ \- and wrapped his hands loosely around Harry’s neck before pulling back to look at Harry with a smirk on his face.

”Little enthusiastic, are we?”  
"Shut the fuck up, you haven't been waiting for this since the toilets”, Harry groaned, not even caring about confessing his years of pining.  
"Who says I haven't?" Louis retorted, cocking his head to the side like a challenge and moving his hand rom around Harry’s neck to his crotch, pressing a little bit. ”Damn, you are so eager, aren’t you?”  
"Toilets, Lou, since the fucking toilets”, Harry said, trying to hold back a moan. Louis chuckled before going back to kissing Harry, who was more than happy about that.

And then they were rutting against each other like some teenagers, and Harry idly wondered if this was how they would have been doing it in the x-factor house if he’d ever had the courage to actually do something about his infatuation.

There was too much space and way too much clothes between them, but when Harry was just about to push Louis onto his back and do something _more_ Louis suddenly moved away, putting some distance between them and _why would he do that_?  
”What are you -”  
” _Everyday, of our lives_ -”  
”What -”  
”- _wanna find you there, wanna hold on tight_ ”, Louis finished, looking straight at Harry and smiling that little coy smile of his and it clicked. He was singing along to the movie, he was singing a fucking High School Musical song to Harry while they were about to get off.  
”You’re unbelievable”, Harry breathed out, shaking his head in disbelief.  
”C’mon, that’s not how it goes”, Louis laughed, smiling at Harry the smile that made his eyes crinkle.  
”I can’t believe I’ve fallen for someone who sings High School Musical in bed, that’s like -”  
”Fallen?” Louis interrupted, voice suddenly careful.  
”I - yeah. Fallen”, Harry answered after a beat, voice steady but insides doing backflips. It wasn’t _I_ ** _love_** _you_ but it was close enough.

Louis kissed him.

It wasn’t like the previous kisses which were filled with lust and desperation. This was falling asleep and waking up next to each other and growing old together kind of a kiss. Harry raised his hands to cup Louis’ face and Louis drowned his hands in Harry’s curls, pressing their chests as close as humanly possible.

Louis was the one who backed off first, keeping their foreheads pressed together. Harry opened his mouth to say something, but Louis beat him to it.  
” _There’s more to life when we listen to our hearts_ -” Louis sang, voice teary. ”- _and because of you, I’ve got the strength to start_ ”, he finished, holding Harry’s head between his hands and looking at him with tear streams down his cheeks. It wasn’t _I_ ** _love_** _you_ either, but it wasn’t like they didn’t already know that’s what it was - love.

Still, Harry wanted to say it.

”Fuck, I love you so much”, he sobbed out, grabbing Louis by the back of his head and crashing their lips together.

And that kiss was _forever_ \- same as the previous one, but with a promise in it. So Harry did the only thing that was on his head at the moment - he pushed Louis onto his back on the bed, not breaking the kiss. Louis went easily and started to unbutton Harry’s shirt the same time Harry went to grab the hem of Louis’ shirt to get it off him. It got tangled in Louis’ head and Harry snorted, earning a nipple twist from Louis, which turned the laugh into a moan and Louis made a mental note for that. 

When they were both shirtless Harry leaned back so he could get a better look on Louis. He was lying on his back, hair messy and the first button of his jeans unbuttoned, even though Harry didn’t know how that had happened. He saw the black fabric of Louis’ boxer briefs and the little happy trail that ended under his navel, and Harry actually forget how to breathe for a moment. Louis seemed to catch on on it because in the next moment he was pulling Harry closer to him.

”See something you like”, Louis’ whispered to Harry’s ear, biting a little in to his earlobe, making Harry gasp.  
” _Yes_ ”, Harry breathed out, attacking his mouth to Louis neck, biting and sucking it before kissing over the marks he left there.  
”Fuck, am I getting naked with a vampire here?” Louis said, probably trying to come out as sarcastic but ending up sounding really fucking turned on. Harry smirked.  
”Don’t pretend you don’t like it”, he said against Louis’ collarbone, biting into it before suddenly sinking lower, taking Louis’ nipple into his mouth while simultaneously pushing his hand into Louis’ jeans, grabbing him over his boxers.  
”Jesus _Christ_ ”, Louis moaned, gasping.  
”Just Harry”, Harry smirked, kissing Louis’ nipple before starting to sink even lower, pressing kisses where ever he reached.  
”Of course you would make that joke, why do I like you”, Louis groaned as a response, and Harry just knew he was rolling his eyes even though he couldn’t see it.  
”It must be because of my great oral skills”, Harry suggested, suddenly pressing his tongue on Louis happy trail and licking along it all the way to the elastic of the boxers.  
”Well I wouldn’t know about that because apparently you are a huge fucking tease”, came somewhere above Harry and the younger man laughed, pressing his face against Louis’ thigh and making the other man squirm under the touch.  
”Harry, I swear to _God_ if you won’t get your mouth on my dick in the very near future I will -”

Harry never found out what Louis would have done, because in the next moment he had pushed both Louis’ jeans and his boxers out of the way and was already wrapping his mouth around Louis.

” _Fuck_ , I love you”, Louis gasped, grabbing the bedsheets and clearly holding back so that he wouldn’t thrust into Harry’s mouth.  
”Of course you would say that for the first time while I have your cock in my mouth”, Harry said, pulling off just enough to pout - honest to God _pout_ after just acting like a fucking pornstar.

”I will repeat it every day for the rest of your life if you’d just get on with it”, Louis promised, breathing heavily. He was already so close and Harry had only touched him for like ten seconds - it was pathetic, really, but that was what Harry did to him.  
”Do you promise?” Harry asked, whole face lighting up and he reached his other hand to intertwine his pinky with Louis’ pinky.  
” _Yes_ ”, Louis gasped desperately and he couldn’t believe that he was doing a pinky promise in a moment like this - he was in love with a _child_.

Harry hummed happily as a response, taking Louis back in to his mouth and earning beautiful sounds coming off from the older mans lips. Louis didn’t know if he’d done this before and he didn’t want to know the answer, but it was great nevertheless. Harry used his lips and tongue just right and Louis was squirming so much Harry had to press him back down to the mattress. 

Suddenly Louis heard Harry trying to speak something, but with a mouth full he couldn’t really _say_ anything coherent,  but it didn’t matter because the vibrations his words made around Louis’ made the man go crazy and he was so close - and then Harry was pulling off, repeating his previous words.

”Your cock is really pretty.”  
”Don’t compliment my cock while I’m just about to come, Jesus Christ Harry you are such a fucking tease I will -” the rest of the sentence was cut off by a moan when Harry put his mouth back on him and did something with his tongue that Louis had never felt and it was the best thing in the world. ”Harry I’m gonna - _fuck_ ”, Louis was able breathe out before throwing his head back and bucking involuntarily into Harry’s mouth with the intensity of his orgasm.

When he stopped seeing white and was able to look back down, he found Harry smiling at him with a ridiculously happy look on his face and fucking _come_ on his chin and fuck, if Louis wouldn’t have just come that would have been the final seal for him. 

”That was fun”, Harry said, licking his lips and Louis wanted to kiss that stupid smirk off his face - so he did.  
”You fucking _menace_ ”, Louis laughed and got up just enough to grab Harry by the back of his neck to get him back on top of him, licking into his mouth and tasting himself and not even caring. Louis pushed his hand in Harry’s boxers in one easy movement, making Harry gasp out loud.

”You’re so hard, fuck you must be so close already”, Louis whispered, starting to move his hand up and down. Harry moved his head enough to get to press it against Louis neck.  
”Yes I… I wanted to make it good for you, I didn’t even touch myself, I just… _Please_ ”, Harry pleaded and who was Louis to say no. He quickened his pace and Harry was whimpering and bucking up into Louis hand and Louis moved his other hand to grab at Harry’s bum and then Harry was coming too, silencing his moans by biting into Louis shoulder. 

After a moment of catching their breaths Harry raised his head from Louis shoulder to look him in the eyes with a dopey smile on his face, and Louis moved his other hand from Harry’s bum to tuck a curl from his face behind his ear, before kissing him softly and removing his hand from Harry’s pants and wiping the come on the bedsheets, not even caring.

”I love you”, Louis whispered then, looking at Harry. ”So much.”  
”I love you too”, Harry whispered back, smile so wide it hurt his face but he didn’t care.  
”Thank God, otherwise this would have gotten really awkward really fast”, Louis joked and Harry laughed - because it was absolutely ridiculous and they were ridiculous and everything was so, _so_ good.

Later, when they had moved from Louis’ room to Harry’s and where curled up in bed together, Louis fast asleep legs and hands wrapped around Harry, Harry couldn’t help but think back to all those times he’d wanted to kiss Louis. Maybe Louis would have kissed him back, maybe they would have gotten to this point earlier, maybe there would have been a lot less pining and heartache and a lot more kissing and hand holding - but clearly that was not how it was meant to go. 

It had been a long way coming but they were finally there.

**Author's Note:**

> So... I know the ending sucks but I wrote it when I was really sleep deprived and in the morning I couldn't figure out a better way to end this, so.
> 
> My twitter is @iidarawr, come say hi and maybe comment or give kudos or something, I have like tons of unfinished fics in my drafts and knowing that people are reading my work really motivates me to continue.


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